Does Slow and Steady Win the Race?

I can remember reading Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert.

There is a scene where she finds herself on the bathroom floor, broken, weeping, and calling out to something greater than herself. A true “dark night of the soul.” I remember thinking, that is it that’s healing. That’s the moment when everything is surrendered, when the soul cracks open and the light begins to pour in.

Years later, after working with many incredible teachers and clients, I kept circling back to that image. The brokenness, the surrender, the release that brings you to your knees. And I wondered: when will my dark night come? When will I be healed through that same raw, cathartic eruption?

I have been in breathwork sessions where people have been carried out screaming, shaking, wailing, where the energy is so intense you can feel the floor reverberate beneath you. I used to long for that kind of outburst, that dramatic freedom that seemed to set people free. And yet, for me, it never came in that way.

What I have come to learn, through years of study, practice, and sitting deeply with the nervous system, is this: not all healing looks like breaking apart.

The Nervous System and the Window of Tolerance

We all have what is called a “window of tolerance.” This is the range where our nervous system can process, integrate, and release safely. Step outside of that window, push too hard, too fast, or too far, and the body does not see liberation. It sees threat. It activates fight or flight to keep us safe, and if we keep pushing, we can become stuck in fear or even retraumatized, reliving what we are trying so hard to release.

From a polyvagal perspective, the nervous system is always scanning: “Am I safe?” If the answer is no, the body protects us. That is why some people’s healing looks like deep catharsis, their system can move through it, while for others, safety is found in gentleness, in slowness, in the steady unravelling.

Power Does not Have to Mean Punishment

For so long, I thought that true healing had to look like collapse. That stepping into power meant being cracked open. But I have learned that power does not have to be punishment. Healing does not have to be fast and furious. In fact, slow and steady can be just as powerful, sometimes more so.

Because healing is not just about the release. It is about integration. Without the right support, without a safe structure to hold us, release is not healing at all, it is just spewing. Emptying out without ever refilling.

Healing is a Journey, Not a Destination

True self-recovery is a journey. Sometimes it looks like big breakthroughs. Other times it looks like a single deep breath. A walk in nature. A compassionate conversation. Choosing to rest instead of to push. Each steady step, each moment of gentle safety, tells your nervous system: you are safe now, you can heal.

So does slow and steady win the race? I think in healing, there is not really a race to be won. But slow and steady allows us to arrive fully, wholly, and safely. And that, to me, is where the real transformation lives.

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